The Inward Search
Jennifer Kalawur
October 19, 2020
I began my journey on Earth this time around immersed in confusion, pain and endless limitations. This was my truth that I accepted. I drudged through school, work and parenting the best I knew how, which was never enough. It finally got to a breaking point that left me completely empty. My sense of identity was dismantled, and the connections that I relied on were gone. I withdrew from my life into a menial job where no one knew me. I was a ghost living in an unacknowledged body. One day, I cracked up until I broke, and I left the office in an ambulance. Although I was proven fine, this panic attack scared me enough to do something. I was still alive and I had to figure out how to live differently, because how I was living didn’t cut it. I needed to unravel and heal the conditioning that was meant to protect me, but was now destroying me.
My mom loved going to church. Tears would stream down her face as she sang the hymns with her arms outstretched. That was her bliss. It wasn’t mine. The first time I took I yoga class, I found my bliss. I was in my early 40s with not many answers. But in that yoga class, I began my search inward with compassion and clarity that I didn’t know was possible. That inward search was the key that unlocked my heart and transformed who I was and how I lived my life.
The inward search is ongoing to this day and for the rest of my life. If I stop, I will return to the abyss. I know this because it happens sometimes. Take a vacation from the inward search, and things start to get lost. What I have discovered and now teach are 3 simple practices that are required to successfully maintain the most optimal and authentic version of the self.
Physical Awareness
I’ve been disconnected to my body for most of my life, mostly based on the messages of shame. Yoga taught me to pay attention to my body. When I observe my body with curiosity and compassion from the inside out, I can invite a sense of wonder and even gratitude. I place my hands over my heart, and I feel my heart beating. I notice how I step each foot as I walk, and how they each feel a bit different from each other. I feel my muscles engage and my joints move. I feel where there is tension or pain, and I observe without judgement. I’ll make little adjustments to see how that feels. With physical awareness, I have more confidence to make better decisions on what is appropriate for me. Where can I be stronger, more balanced, and more flexible? Where can I be more relaxed?
Breath-work
I always marveled how we humans can take control of our breath as we want, but our body mostly breaths without any conscious help from us. Why were we given this gift? The respiratory system is linked to the functioning of the central nervous system. So we can shift our energy from fight or flight to rest and digest with slower, conscious breathing. This is where science really gets me excited! It validates that we are meant to be relaxed and happy more than stressed and anxious. Conscious breathing is simple, though practicing to breathe slowly and evenly has profound effects. Focusing on the breath is a spiritual act. Spirit, respire, inspire, expire come from the Latin root “spir” meaning “breathe.” Science and Spirituality!
Meditation
We have 50,000 to 100,000 thoughts a day, most of them repeating. No wonder I can get neurotic! The meditation practice is not about stopping these thoughts, but observing them for a specific amount of time. By putting myself in a place of observing, I can detach myself from these thoughts. They’re not me, but reactions from information that is being processed. If I get triggered, I notice my reaction much sooner. I now have better control in responding to triggers. It definitely has given me more options for how I want to perceive my world.
Connect to the Heart
By connecting the body through awareness, the spirit through breath, and the mind through meditation; I am in alignment with my heart. My heart is where my True Self dwells. This is my higher self that is absent of ego, born of Divine Wisdom and Unconditional Love. This is the home of Bliss. When I am no longer distracted and defined by pain and fear, I find her waiting for me. She is the treasure of my inward search.
I spent decades trying to figure out how to navigate through my life chapters on my own with little success. When I began my journey through yoga, I had teachers and mentors to guide me, support me, and help me accept myself wherever I was on that journey. That is why I am called to expand into coaching. As a woman who lived my life trying to live up to the expectations of others, I got to the point of “now what?” I don’t want you to take as long as I did and go through unnecessary heartache. I always begin with a free coaching session that will get you results.
Jen Kalawur is an experienced yoga teacher who studied with Kripalu and Yoga Impact. She is also a master Reiki healer and teacher. Jen is married with a daughter and two grandchildren. She coaches women facing their next chapter in parenting, career and life purpose. Sign up for her emails and book your free coaching session at navigatelifetransitions.net.